Thursday, April 15, 2010

I hate Ganguly

I hate Ganguly

Yes, I hate Ganguly, not just because he is arrogant, not because he is a loudmouth or for the fact that he walks an inch off the ground. My reasons are way above that, to begin with I hate him because he didn’t let the Indian cricketing world stay the way it was. He turned a mellow team into a monster, a team with a genius dependent complex into a halfway self assured team, a sporting loser into a raging tiger.

I hate Ganguly, because he virtually ran through the opposition on Canadian land and gave us the hope that there is someone beyond Sachin who can win matches for us, but reality being he became an anti hero for the people.

I hate Ganguly for the fact that he gave youngsters the belief that they could fill the big gaps that would be left by the seniors in Indian cricket, I hate him that he backed all the wrong players in the process, yes some turned to be good. But what the hell, I hate him for every experiment he dared and went wrong.

I hate Ganguly, because he earned the respect of players wide enough to call him Dada, but failed to gain the belief of a major chunk of his countrymen who compared his feats to that of a God and called him just a mortal. I hate him for not letting the folks know he didn’t give a damn about being called God. He should’ve told them I’m an ordinary guy with more guts than talent, just call me dada, which would do. I hate you, because you showed flashes of brilliance that made the team realize that yes, maybe even mortals can win a match.

I hate Ganguly because he tried to bring foreign imports into India and changed the way that Indian cricketers played. I hate the way that he insulted his coach, it doesn’t matter that the coach was driving a stake through the team. I hate him for speaking his mind out and took on the venerable administrators of the BCCI. I hate him for no more reason than the fact that he considered just winning matches and lashing out at the media would be sufficient.

I hate Ganguly for disrespecting the ground on which he scored a maiden century by taking his shirt off, how dare he do that? How can he pump his arms in the air for winning just a trophy when Kapil just grinned holding the World cup on the same corridor? He shamed us all Indians; maybe because he played out the vicarious aggression in us, something we just believe wasn’t right.

I hate Ganguly, because he scored 11k ODI runs, seemingly without talent or any “difference” from a guy on the street, I hate him for taking us to the world cup with utterly no effort from his side, I hate him because he told his lads “Don’t care about what I do, go out and do your thing, and do it damn well”.

I hate you, Sourav “Dada” Ganguly, coz you showed the fiery spark a few days back blasting your players, but didn’t realize that you were very much a talentless, flukish man yourself. I hate you for the fact that you expect a bunch of talent-challenged people to win you a trophy. I hate you for not realizing you are not a God who can work wonders, just a fallible and grizzled warrior who stubbornly stands up punch after punch, jab after jab.

Do something “different” or just roll over and die. For the ungrateful, apparently you haven’t done enough, Prince of Kolkata.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

The Appraisal....from the makers of The Grudge!!!

I guess the title says everything

Korbo,Lorbo,Jeetbo ???? arey!!!!

First things first.... I am not gonna kick a team that is down already... I do not hate this team; on the contrary I love it!! Just for one reason Dada Dada Dada!!

Yes...they've lost every match that they've played completely...they still cant figure out who the fuck their skipper is....and with Sun-fuckin-Tzu as their coach...they seem be perpetually living in a 1984 state of mind.

Now...this team is down....out...booted ..from IPL 2.0; but this is exactly what maketh the team extremely dangerous. This team cannot do anything by winning matches and points...fuck it...they are not gonna make it to the semis anyway.

This is what the KKR(I still use kolkata for the reason that is Dada)can&should do now.

1. Since there is no pride left of their own, play for the other team's pride. Wait!!! before you say WTF...let me explain...take one team, one match at a time...and rape the bastards like there was no tommorow.

2. Okay the first point was far fetched

3. Target the star batsmen, bowlers of the opposition, sledge them, cuss them, hit them out of the park( applies for both batsmen and bowlers)..doesnt matter if you lose....leave the impression that you're are rabid dogs and the opposition is...well.. a bitch in heat.

4. Get Dada to speak more in your press conferences....only in bengali... then watch this man can play mental games!! kaapi debo...tipe debo!

5. On a very Zen note... I'd end saying "Play every over like it is the super over"...

Change your slogan from Korbo...lorbo...jeetbo..


"In your face comes the charge of the Knight Brigade"

Aaaaaaaaaaaah ....i let out some steam finally!!!

Dedicated to my cubicle mates.

Suck on this( the only good thing SRK did in IPL2.0)

Monday, March 10, 2008

The Naked Truth

You know you are“software professional” when

• You laugh at the words above in “ ” …’coz there’s nothing professional about you.

• Your day is terribly screwed up if the coffee machine doesn’t work.

• You see a stampede in the opposite cubicle when the guy there opens a “Monaco Biscuits” packet.

• You feel sad for the losers and open a biscuit packet yourself…and then feel sad no one is rushing at you.

• You realize after your first appraisal cycle that “Proactive” is not a shampoo.

• Your “problems” are replaced by “issues”.

• You constantly BELIEVE that the guy next to you is a vegetable….till he gets a raise ahead of you. He’s still a vegetable…but you just discover his name “Mr. Bitter Gourd”.

• You keep asking for answers in English but you realize that people have started speaking in “Managese”.

• You quit feeling bad about pilfering office supplies…instead you plan to open your stationery shop with the unused ones.

• You watch reruns of HBO “Sunday Blockbuster” in your mind to pass time in the team meetings

• You bleat your false attitude through “Tantra” t-shirts.

• You do the above point only on Fridays …’coz you’ve got a dress code to follow.

• You see your manager in the terrorist you head shoot in Counter Strike.

• You classify exercise as running to catch the lift when it is just about to close.

• Your end of the day crisis is that you’ve forgotten to SWIPE OUT.

You laugh at every single point ‘coz they are so true …and at the last point you feel depressed realizing all the points are YOU…

Sunday, January 6, 2008

A letter to the the Australian cricket team


Blah Blah Blah....yes Andrew Symonds we are all racists for calling you a that case I'd better sue my friends....and just about everyone I have known 'coz they've affirmed,testified, gone the whole nine yards, in having been a victim of my "Monkey pranks". And while I am at it...why dont you get some hankies so that you may cry your heart out...and see to it that Mr.Punter...(a.k.a. Mr Integrity) ,Mr.Puppy and the Pigeon join you in your lamentations. We didnt know that you guys loved monkeys so much.

To the Australian cricket team... dont take about sportsmanship , integrity and fairplay wont be able to find them even if i stuck bingo labels on your tush and gave u a mirror on a stick to search for them.

Yes you played very well in Sydney....extremely good batsmen, bowlers, fielders...and to say nothing of the admirable suport from the umpires and the match referee. We people couldnt ask for more from such gracious hosts. And how we look forward to reciprocate this threefold in your next tour; although we might face some problem from the PETA people we will see to it that you get the full package of honours.

Steve...oh Steve....why do you keep forgetting that you are out of the team and you are dont need to justify the behavior of your "MATES". And if your kids banter in the backyard calling their friend's and in return getting called by them as "Bastards",I dont see that as an excuse to call our people the same and get away with it.

As for Mr.Mcgrath,Punter,Symonds and Co...just accept the fact that you've bitten off more than you can chew. Yes,I know you have been taken aback by the new and angry Indian team but lemme tell you something, we'll gladly give you some more high level practice banter in the future matches in the event that we decide to play with you again.

Ohhh...dont get offended by this and report me to the ICC... i was just jousting with you...just like you do.

PS: Learn some integrity and culture from your Media.


One of the million Indians who are sick of your Tantrums and then your "cultural" justification of them.

Monday, December 17, 2007

The woes of a bachelor

I live in Pune with five other guys ...all of us blots on the holy title of 'Software engineers'.
Well ..we had been staying the 'Shree and Shreemati Uptight' society for the past 1 year and faced no problem for most of the time. However, just a few days back Mr.PrINGLEs, the "chairman" and hence's the most uptight bugger of the society calls yours truly over for a tête-à-tête. Here goes the conversation.

Mr.PrINGLEs: Hey you boy , come heaaar...are you married??are u you alone?? how long you staying heaar

Me: Excuse im not married....[not interested in the prospect right now]...staying with bachelors...for the past 14 months

Mr.PrINGLEs:Yes...why are you living heaaar??

Me:WTF?? I pay the rent so i live here

Mr.PrINGLEs: mean why do you stay unauthorised?? I havent seen you before

Me:[If you missed a fatso like your's truly, god help you] "Well..sir,could be possible that our timings dont match"

Mr.PrINGLEs: That eez vat i um meaning...why you not seeing me..or for that matter so many times i tell your owner..he also dont see me...

Me: [Probably because we are hetero ...u sick pervert] "Uhhh...hum...wat..sir??"

Mr.PrINGLEs: I ask you all to come to meetings to discuss your issues, our issues , your owner issues...why you avoiding? why you staying unauthorised?

Me: [Frig you...i dont have ne issues that i will discuss with you...and i definetely dont wanna hear about your indigestion problems] . Hmm..i see..what issues..sir??

Mr.PrINGLEs: Well you know, building problems, builder problems, water problems..

Me: What say would I have in that ..I mean the builder would gladly flip the bird to me..if he knew I wasnt the owner.

Mr.PrINGLEs: Leave eet, why you not mingling..with society members...not for functions..not for Satyanarayana Puja parties...(yes he said that!!!)? Even your owner is like that.

Me: Well, lets say I am not a socializing kind of a person(seeing the confused look upon the buffoon's face i took mercy and rephrased my sentence) I come from office at around 9..and the last thing on my mind is a Puja owner stays 25 kms from here ...and i guess he would have travel problems...oh by the way, which you are free to discuss in your "Meetings".

Mr.PrINGLEs:(suddenly turning into hitler) No no no...this is not allowed....first of all you staying are not a having are coming are ruining this beautiful society...[symbolically, a dog just poops in front of the majestic gates] have to vacate by month end...else i will take action

Me: Is that a crime...I mean not marrying...have you never been a bachelor??{read as marrying the only virtue in your sorry life u fat pig)...and by the way..wat action are u threatening..sir??

Mr.PrINGLEs:We will call police....threaten your owner of not cooperating....he has not given rent agreement...he has not given your contact is govt rule that bachelors need to register themselves at nearest police station.(to get early bird prizes!!)

Me: Which rule is that?? any case dont you think it is sensible to talk to my owner first...he is a gentleman and he will definetely clear all the bad blood(again Mr.PrINGLEs is confused)...i mean ..misunderstanding

Mr.PrINGLEs:Give me your owner's number?

Me: I dont have the phone got formatted( which is true..i have an N70 and the bleeding phone gives me all the spftware problems it can)

Mr.PrINGLEs: This is what im talking dont have courage to give number.
How can phone have a software...Is it a computer???[ Yes he said this too..]

Me: Are you accusing me of trying to escape from you( you wriggling worm)...I'll call anyone from my flat and they'll give you my owner's number... (I make a call to my roomate..who comes rushing down...poor chap!!)

Mr.PrINGLEs: Ok...will do that....(calls up and threatens my poor owner to give the agreement copy to him)...and hai you ...yessss and all your roommates...come to today's meeting...
Me: I am going to Mumbai...will not come back on time for the important meeting so excuse me...[I get the hell outta there leaving my roommate to deal with the troll]
Moral of the story: To be continued in the blog coming up...